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Minutes of Meetings with God |
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The Storm ... |
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| Since the first of the year, a number of things have been weighing
heavily. It's not so much that I have problems that are troublesome. I do
have some problems, but for right now, they seem manageable. Rather, I find
myself feeling safe, warm and sheltered in our house while there is a bloistery
storm going on outside. I'm alright now, but worry that I won't be alright.
You know, the electricity might go out (that means no lights, no heat, no
water), the wind might blow one of the big trees down into the house, or
something else, something terrible might happen, and I get afraid that people
I care about won't be alright, either.
I'm not able to stop the storm. So I tend to worry and fret, which doesn't really help me or anyone else. I have learned from experience that worrying about everything and trying to take care of "it all" pretty much guarantees that nothing gets done. It's probably a neurotic way to be. Someone once told me that it's good to have at least one neurotic around to do all the worrying and to feel personally responsible for everything, so no one else has to bother. But being really neurotic isn't healthy. No one can live long or well feeling overburdened with anxiety and responsibility most of the time. Anyway, I've found myself doing some serious sorting through things, again, and asking myself a bunch of questions, again. I've found myself bumping into Jesus and John Wesley as I sort and question. I'd like to be able to say that they were making things easier, but they're not. (Am I just making it hard on myself and blaming them???). Jesus is causing me the most difficulty. When I go to Jesus in prayer and by reading the Holy Scripture, when I say to him: "Look at the horrible storm going on around me, people are hurting themselves and each other so badly, there's so much senseless suffering," when I tell him that I'm worried and afraid for others and myself, when I ask him: "Why don't you do something about all this?", it seems that he answers: "Yes Mike, it is a terrible storm and the suffering is horrible. I understand that it's easy to be afraid. But, don't you worry and don't you be afraid. Please remember that I love you and all of suffering humanity; I already have done something about it. I have done what no one else could do to save the world, you don't have to save it. I have done what it takes to save you, so you need not be concerned. Don't be caught up in an empty and harmful masquerade of love, true Love does not do for another what that person can do for him/her self. Remember yourself, and remind others of what I have already done to end the suffering, and remember yourself and remind others what they can do to end the suffering because of what I have done. Do the good that you come upon to do... like the Good Samaritan. Even sharing a cup of cold water will be recognized and rewarded in the Kingdom." That was not the answer that I expected, it is the kind of answer that turns my ways of thinking and living upside-down. (Maybe I should have expected that kind of answer from Jesus. John Wesley hasn't been particularly easy to deal with, either. John is the one who exhorted: "Do all the good you can, By all the means you can, In all the ways you can ..." I can easily relate to "doing"; "doing" makes sense because it seems to be what gets things done. However, in a moment of keen insight, Wesley advised: "Seek God alone. Beware you do not stick in the work itself; if you do it is labor lost. Nothing short of God can satisfy your soul. Therefore, eye him in all, through all, and above all." That advice puts "doing" in a very different light. When I get down to the nitty-gritty, I realize that nothing short of God will really satisfy me or any of the people that I care and worry about. Whatever else I do, it is only as I enter the presence of God and allow the presence of God to enter me that I change for the better and become satisfied. And it is only as I bring the ones I care about into the presence of God with me that we change and become forgiven, healed, satisfied. |